


Problem child, been grounded your whole life

by heavenisalibrary



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-12
Updated: 2015-05-12
Packaged: 2018-03-30 07:20:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3927895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heavenisalibrary/pseuds/heavenisalibrary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’d love to,” Jennifer says. “I’m sure there are all kinds of things you could show me.” She bites her lip as she looks at him, and something in his brain is clicking into place, and he would’ve been able to finish the thought if River hadn’t slid her hand further up his leg, curving her hand around his leg to gently stroke his inner thigh.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Problem child, been grounded your whole life

**Author's Note:**

> For the RD Ficathon. Prompt: While out with River, an oblivious Doctor gets hit on by someone nearby and, being the Doctor, does a bit of innocent flirting in return. Cue the appearance of his wife’s jealous streak.
> 
> This is total PWP. Obviously. Wildly inappropriate across the board. If whomever prompted that is uncomfortable with that, please message me — I have 2/3 of an alternative, non-smutty fill completed that I'll finish for you instead if that's the case.

The Doctor thought it sounded like a lovely idea — a restaurant that only had enormous tables, and sat smaller parties together, so it was almost like you got your own dinner party with your meal. River’s less thrilled, when he explains the concept to her, but she goes along with it anyway, and they’re sat at a large, round table with a family of four who keep mostly two themselves and a group of four, slightly tipsy young women who immediately drag the Doctor and River into their conversation. River’s polite enough, but he can tell she’s annoyed by the way she smiles with her teeth. The young woman next to him is particularly friendly, gulping down her wine as she leans toward him as he finishes his story about the evolution of custard. (River swears he doesn’t know how to make small talk. He thinks she’s wrong. Clearly. This young woman seems riveted.)

“I’m Jennifer, by the way,” she says, extending her hand to him, and flushing slightly as he shakes it enthusiastically, clapping his other hand over it. He wonders if maybe the wine is going to her head. “It’s nice to meet you, Doctor, and…” she trails off and looks toward River, who’s smiling toothily at one of Jennifer’s friends.

“River,” he says, “that’s River.”

“And how do you know River?” Jennifer asks.

The real explanation is horrifically complicated, and the Doctor pauses briefly, trying to think of a way to summarize all of the many terrible things they’ve endured throughout the past few centuries. “Family,” he says, finally. “We know one another through family.”

It’s true enough. Of course, he met River before he met her parents, but that was their point of intersection, so far as the universe was concerned. Jennifer lights up, and he wonders if she’s feeling alright.

“Well,” Jennifer says, “I’m glad you came out tonight. Where are you from, originally?”

“Oh, here, there, everywhere,” he says, leaning into her when she grins. “The universe is limitless — why be from any one place, hm?”

“I hear you,” Jennifer says, “I love to travel. I wish I could do it more often. I bet you’ve got all kinds of tips.”

“Oh, do I ever,” the Doctor says, “although depending on who you ask, they might not be good tips. I tend to travel in a somewhat… kamikaze… fashion.”

“Kamikaze is putting it mildly,” River says, turning away from Jennifer’s friend and leaning over the Doctor’s shoulder to join his conversation.

“Do you travel together at all?” Jennifer says.

“No,” the Doctor says, even as River says, “yes.”

He glares at her. “Not nearly as much as I ask her to.”

“Girl’s got to have a life, Doctor.”

“That’s nice,” Jennifer says, “family holidays were my favorite growing up. I miss them, now that we can’t all get time off at the same time every year.”

He feels River tense beside him, but assumes it must just be her distaste for Jennifer’s friends. Jennifer’s certainly pleasant, and she seems to love his stories — she’s hardly looked away from him since they sat down, and he’s a bit chuffed to finally have somebody who wants to listen to his tales, as opposed to River, who listens, but also points out all the beats he exaggerates or makes up, which isn’t any fun at all.

“Family holidays are nice,” the Doctor agrees, not quite sure why Jennifer had decided on that topic, but going with it nonetheless, “I’ve had a few brilliant ones, myself —”

“— and a few that nearly got us all arrested —”

He clears his throat and continues over River, shooting her a glare. “I do like traveling with friends, though. That’s how I do it most of the time.”

Jennifer blushes again, and the Doctor’s beginning to get a bit concerned about her wine consumption, but before he can say anything, they’re interrupted by the waiters bringing them all their food, served in giant bowls that sit around the table.

“I’d love to travel with friends,” Jennifer says, “I just can’t get them to ever go anywhere far away, you know?”

“Yeah,” says the Doctor, “don’t really have that problem. I exclusively go far away. Far away as far can go, that’s where I go, and I only bring people who are willing to do that.”

“And yet here we are,” River says, “in a restaurant in the United States.”

“You don’t know where I was coming from,” the Doctor says, “could be very far.”

River rolls her eyes. She sips at her wine, ignoring her food and instead placing a hand on his knee. He only fidgets very slightly.

“That sounds amazing,” Jennifer says.

“It is,” the Doctor agrees. “You should get out more. I think River has to be back in a day or so, so I’m a bit at ends. I’m sure we could find something to do.”

Jennifer beams at him, flushing even redder, and he’s about to recommend she stop drinking when River tightens her grip on his knee, and he has to cover up a bit of an embarrassing yelp with a cough.

“I’d love to,” Jennifer says. “I’m sure there are all kinds of things you could show me.” She bites her lip as she looks at him, and something in his brain is clicking into place, and he would’ve been able to finish the thought if River hadn’t slid her hand further up his leg, curving her hand around his leg to gently stroke his inner thigh.

“Oh, of course,” the Doctor says, trying not to choke on his tongue as River’s fingers go for the fastenings of his trousers. “Never a shortage of things, that’s what I always say. Don’t you agree, River?”

“Certainly,” River says, leaning over his shoulder again. He notices that her smile has even more of an edge to it than usual. “Why don’t you tell Jennifer about some of them, hm? You seem so keen to talk about your adventures.”

She’s worked her hand into his trousers by then, and is sliding her hand under the elastic of his pants when he finally gets the brainpower to reach down and grab her wrist, scooting closer to the table.

“Oh, er,” he says, when he realizes that he’s meant to be speaking, and Jennifer is still staring at him. “They’re not that great.”

“Don’t be modest, sweetie,” River says. She turns to Jennifer, just as he gives up on deterring her, because pulling at her wrist hard enough to dissuade her, with his natural grace or lack thereof, would probably just overturn the table. Instead he grits his jaw and tries to keep his eyes open as she slips her clever hand inside his pants and wraps her hand around his hardening length, giving it a gentle squeeze. “He does love to impress. Tell her about Axion VII, the girls love that one.”

Jennifer laughs at River, as under the table River fists her hand around his now prominent erection and strokes him up and down, and suddenly it all clicks into place. River’s jealous. Jennifer thought they were related because he’d said family but meanwhile she’d wanted — oh, oh no. He shoots a glare at River, who merely raises her brows at him, sliding her hand up to the tip of his cock to run her thumb over the ridge there, and it takes more self control than he really thinks he has to keep himself from moving.

“Doctor?” River says, and he can see that she’s just barely resisting the urge to laugh as he coughs again, scooting nearer to the table as she resumes a steady pace, wrapping her hand firmly around his length and pump it up and down. “Weren’t you going to tell Jessica a story?”

“Jennifer,” she corrects, frowning slightly at River before turning back to the Doctor. “I’d love to hear.”

“Oh, uh — I, erm....” He can’t put a single sentence together. River’s hand is moving faster now, her thumb hooked under so that her knuckle brushes up against the ridge at the head of his cock every time she brings her hand up, and his whole body starts to burn, centered low in his stomach.

“Cat got your tongue?” River asks, leaning her chin on the hand that isn’t under the table and looking terribly innocent. He leans forward on the table, rubbing a hand over his face and biting down hard on his lip to keep from making a sound as she carries on.

“I’m not — not feeling… feeling well all of the su — sudden.” He covers his mouth with his hand, hoping he looks ill rather than flushed and desperate.

“Poor thing,” Jennifer says, looking toward River and placing a hand on the Doctor’s shoulder. “Did he maybe have something bad to eat, earlier?”  
  
“Oh, no,” River says to Jennifer, “he’s just got a weak constitution, poor immune system, you name it, he’s got it. He spends five seconds in the presence of anyone who’s been near an illness and suddenly he has it too. Horrible, isn’t it?”

“I do not!” the Doctor says defensively, but River just runs her hand up to the tip of his cock, spreading her hand over the slight dampness there and the slight lubrication makes her hand feel heavenly as it wraps around him again.

This whole thing is incredibly cruel and embarrassing and he hates being backed into corners, but then, he loves having someone who can back him into a corner. He loves knowing that he’s caused this reckless possessiveness in River, and he loves that she knows his body so well that she can get him so worked up so quickly. There’s some pleasure in the frustration he feels toward her and the situation — he wants to get up and leave, but she’s got his pants pushed down and his trousers unbuttoned, and he’d have to remove her hand in order to rectify that. Even if he manages to do that without nearly overturning the table or at least making it very clear where her hand had been — which is unlikely — he’s still going to have to make his escape with a very unsubtle erection which would still be more embarrassing than he’d like. River’s got a lot of power over him in a lot of ways, and he kind of loves when she proves it — there aren’t many, if any, people in the universe who can manage to push him and withstand the blowback, and so even though he wants to strangle River with his bare hands at the moment, there’s something terribly, frustratingly hot about the whole thing.

It’s moments before he realizes that River and Jennifer as still speaking to one another literally behind his back, and he doubly wants to strangle River for her ability to carry on a casual conversation while expertly bringing him off beneath the table.

“River,” he says, sitting up and turning to face her, which has the unfortunate result of giving her a better angle, and she merely speeds up the motions of her hand, causing him to jump a little in his seat. “Please.”

“Please what?” she asks, smirking at him.

“We should leave,” he says, hoping she’ll sense his urgency. He’s finding it a bit hard to draw breath and his face feels flushed and he really needs her to stop. “I’m feeling very, very ill.”

“Are you now?” River says. “Maybe we should wait it out. We’ve made such a lovely friend in Jennifer — I’m sure she’d hate it if we left.”

River nods to Jennifer, who shrugs.

“I have really enjoyed talking to you,” Jennifer says. The Doctor wonders at how truly terrifying his wife’s ability to convince poor Jennifer that she’s trying to help her while simultaneously expressing her vast displeasure with his unintentional flirting is as he watches River smile at Jennifer. “It would be a shame to cut the evening short.”

Jennifer reaches under the table to place a hand on his knee. The Doctor has handled a great many crisis situations, none of which had made alarm bells go off so loudly in his head.

“Thank you, Jennifer, really, but I think I need to be getting out of here I — I — I…” he trails off, biting back a moan at the twist of River’s wrist and reaching down to grab Jennifer’s hand off of his knee, pulling it above the table and placing it there. Far, far away from where River is tormenting him with a remarkable effectiveness. “River please, I’m sorry, I’m —  _please_.”

She smiles wickedly at him as he turns to face her, giving her his best puppy dog eyes and praying that when she loosens her grasp on him she’s relenting, not just prolonging.

“Are you sure, sweetie?”

“Yes,” he says, “let’s leave. Please. Ri — RIVER.” He doesn’t mean to shout, but she’s grasped his erection again, pumping her fist up and down and he thinks she’s going to finish him off in a matter of seconds if she doesn’t stop. He reaches out to grab her free arm above the table, leaning in closer to her so she has to look at him. “ _Please!_ ”

He’s going to come all over her hand and his trousers if she doesn’t stop, and he lets out a pitiful whine. Her expression softens somewhat, and she loosens her grasp on him, although she continues to run her fingers along his length gently.

Yanking her arm from his grasp, she holds up her hand and frowns.

“Oh, look,” she says, glancing at Jennifer. “I think I’ve dropped my ring. Give me a sec to look for it, and then we’ll go, okay, sweetie?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” the Doctor says, narrowing his eyes at her as she lifts the edge of the table cloth. The idea of River crawling around on the floor seems like a very bad one, given her current state of vengefulness and unfounded jealousy.

“It won’t take long at all,” River says, “really, I’m very familiar with the old thing. I do this all the time.”

He glares at her.

“You lose your ring all the time?” Jennifer asks.

“Yes, I’m afraid. It’s slightly too big but I wear it anyway. Silly, really.”

With that, she slips beneath the table, and Jennifer turns to the Doctor to say something, but he has no idea what it is, or if he responds, because the moment the table cloth falls back to the ground, River’s pushing apart his legs beneath the table and before he can even think to do anything to defend himself she’s wrapping her lips around the end of his erection and sucking hard. His toes curl in his shoes and he fists his hands in the tablecloth, trying desperately to control his facial expression as Jennifer tries to comfort him. _Oh god_ , if only she knew, he wasn’t ill at all, just being tortured by his too bloody young wife.

River swallows him down beneath the table until he hits the back of her throat, and then swallows — the feeling of her throat constricting around his head sends a jolt of pleasure through his body, and he’s abruptly on the precipice once again as she slides her mouth back down his length; she wraps the base of his shaft in her hand, holding it firmly, and pressing her lips over his head until they’re suctioned right beneath the ridge of it. She sucks on it, more gently this time, flicking her tongue over the underside, pressing the tip of it against the most sensitive points, and before he can blink he’s coming, burying his face in his hands and shaking all over in a desperate attempt to keep from making a sound as she swallows and gently tucks him back into his pants and does up his trousers, as though she hasn’t been a literal terror for the entire evening.

He sags back into his seat as River resurfaces, and when he feels cognizant enough to speak he turns to holler at her, but before he can say a word he finds himself fisting a hand in her hair and tugging her toward him to kiss her, sweeping his tongue through her mouth to taste himself on her, a desperate whine lodged in the back of his throat. River just kisses him back, although he can feel the smugness radiating off of her as Jennifer gasps behind him. He glares at her when he pulls away.

“I hate you,” he says.

She laughs brightly. “No you don’t.”

“Didn’t you say you were — you know — family?” Jennifer says, and the Doctor turns to look at her, as though surprised she’s still there.

“No,” he says, “I said we met through family. We’re not related.”

River grins, leaning over his lap to wipe a bit of her lipstick from the corner of his lips, and he feels his entire body flush as he wonders whether or not she’d left lipstick traces elsewhere.

“Not that he didn’t think we might’ve been, for a time,” River says.

“I did not!”

She raises a brow at him.

“Alright, fine, the thought crossed my mind,” the Doctor says, “but I felt quite pervy about it, if it makes you feel any better.”

“It does, a bit. Sorry, Jennifer,” River says, “we’re married.” She holds up her left hand, waggling her fingers at Jennifer to show off the gleaming ring she wears on her ring finger — of course, it’s not a wedding ring. But she probably switched fingers on her way back to her seat just for dramatic flare. He rolls his eyes at her, grabbing her hand in his and shoving his chair back, standing to his feet.

“Sorry to cut this short,” the Doctor says, “but we’ve got to go. I’m still feeling a bit under the weather — I’ll be in touch, Jennifer.” He turns to leave, but catching sight of River’s expression, he turns back around to offer a sheepish, “or maybe you should just get your rubbish friends to take a holiday with you. So long!”

River tugs him away and they leave the restaurant hand in hand. He’s feeling very pleased and happy and pliant, although he knows that’s just the — frankly phenomenal — orgasm, and he should be cross with her. So he stops, turning down an alleyway and cornering her against the wall with a glare.

“That was mean,” the Doctor says.

“You were flirting with another woman, sweetie. What was I supposed to do?”

“I didn’t know I was flirting!”

“You practically proposed, for heaven’s sake.”

“I didn’t realize it — you know me, dear. And anyway, you could’ve just gone and told her we were together. You didn’t need to… you know… You were jealous, River Song. It’s not a good look on you.”

“You didn’t seem to mind terribly much,” River says, “and anyway, it’s nothing you haven’t done to me.”

“Haven’t done it yet,” the Doctor says, “but three guesses what inspires it.”

River snorts. “Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy.”

He tries to remain stern, but instead giggles. “Talk about multiple orgasms.”

Suddenly he’s kissing her again, her smile pressed against his mouth like a promise as she runs her hands beneath his jacket, wrapping them around him to drag her nails over his back over the thin fabric of his button-up.

“You probably gave me good reason to retaliate,” the Doctor says, “I might flirt without realizing it, but you do it on purpose. With everybody.”

She grins. “Spoilers, sweetie, but I had every right to flirt. I was on a date.”

“With —”

“Not with you,” River says. “If it’s any consolation, it was the last time I tried dating other people. And not only because my reputation went down the tubes when Alton told our coursemates that the waiter disappeared under the table looking for a napkin ring for all of five minutes.”

“I did _not,_ that’s appalling,” he says. “And that was a lot of spoilers!”

“Oh, sweetie,” River says, “you certainly did. I only gave you the specifics so you follow through when the time comes.”

He blushes, although it’s more than a little bit for show as he goes to pull away from her, but she holds him fast, arching her back to press herself all up against him and nuzzling her nose into his cheek. He sighs, his hands falling to her hips, then down further until his fingers brush up against the hem of her dress.

“And just how many _times_ does it come?”

She lets out a bark of laughter. “That’s awful.”

“You’re a terrible influence,” she says.

“I learned from the best,” he shoots back.

She laughs, kissing the corner of his mouth. “Sweetie?”

“River?”

“You ignored me terribly all evening,” she says, “care to make it up to me?”

Huffing, he starts to disagree, but she grabs him by the bow tie and tugs him in for another kiss, promptly convincing him that he does, indeed, need to make it up to her, and so he does, right there in the alley, and after that it’s much harder to look her in the eye when he tells her that she’s the one who corrupted him.


End file.
